Today, there was a weird chain of events where I was psyching myself the "fuck" out. I was talking to my best friend and I started thinking that she didn't want to talk to me. I self-consciously started thinking about the outcome of our chat and expected her to react a certain way. I didn't get that reaction, thus I wasn't happy and I thought about the "worst" possible outcomes (of what she was thinking). I stopped talking to her for a while (about 2 hours) and I fucking didn't want to talk to her anymore at that point. I wasn't mad or sad. I was just frustrated. I felt like she was changing the topic too much because I wasn't interesting. But that obviously wasn't the case.
Anyway, not to dwell on the negative. She honestly does care about me, she's the one who initiated conversation.
Now let's focus on how not to fuck up in this situation again. What can I do to avoid me psyching myself out and thinking about things too much. First of all, I need to assume that her intentions are always well. I need to give her the benefit of the doubt. It does no good thinking people's intentions are bad. If you believe someone's intentions are bad, you start thinking negative thoughts and you start treating/reacting to them negatively; it's like a negativity rabbit hole. Ergo, give them the benefit of the doubt. You'll do good things regardless of the outcome or their reaction and it keeps you in a positive state of mind. Another thing to do is to not react to others, I probably could've avoided this situation altogether by not reacting to her. It's way easier said than done. But I think I should think of the situation as if the most positive thing has happened. That way, I don't have any expectations (due to them being fulfilled in my mind).
tl;dr Don't look into things too much. And don't react to others, just do your own thing.
On a weird compelling side note: This person is very important to me. It's sad to say that I rely on her reactions a lot; so much it's like I'm addicted to her like a fucking drug. I need to stop that, it's unhealthy as fuck. But I can't. The weird thing is, I don't have any intention of hooking up with her (or at least I don't think I do). Sappy cliche shit like this makes me cringe so hard, but I love her very much. I love her in an unconditional brotherly kind of way. Our relationship is like the sludge in the back of your refrigerator. It's like black or green and it smells. But it's also cohesive (seriously what is this thing in the fridge, it's stronger than super glue).
