Thanksgiving Break FTW

I'm at Adura's dorm right now. It's nice that he's letting us sleep over. I know for sure I wouldn't do the same, I owe him one. Just in case I forget, I'll remember from here. Soo yesterday my debate teacher said that my paper lacked detail. That got me thinking that I lack detail in general. I don't talk much, I just say what matters. I don't want to open my mouth and say stupid shit. Also I try not to act as stupid as possible. For example, my friends will be talking about a mexican riding a bike near Molca Salsa and they will be bagging on that nigger constantly with obscure detail. I won't add much to that conversation. I don't add much unless it's relevant to me somehow, or it's a big issue in today's world. I guess that's a good thing, but I need to TALK MOAR! I've yet to brake out of my shell. WTF man?!

Though on a much unrelated note, I also figure that I need to think critically more. Things that help are blogging (of course, daily ramblings, not the usual tumblr articles), flowing, and always thinking of funny situations. Blogging releases all of my thoughts. The private blogs at least. I'm always worried about what I say or what I do. I'm afraid of what people will think of me. Or that they'll think that I'm not funny or cool. I try to avoid all of that by not opening my mouth unless it's imperative or important. For example, if my friends are talking about medical shit, I won't be tempted to jump into the conversation because I know that I don't know shit about it, also it's not directly relevant to me. Also I'm just shy as fcuk. I'm afraid to admit it too because sometimes I believe I really am the "cool" one. Wow that was a ramble. Flowing of course helps because it helps me organize my thoughts and sound cool and think on my feet. When I flow, I focus on a subject and I am actively thinking to try to find words that rhythm, also finding words relevant to the subject at hand. This is why a lot of rappers are English majors and they're also debaters.

adfkajdlfkajdkfblahblahblah tiadflakdjfaldkjfa;lkdf i don't even care ajkldjalk these thoughts are not organized so yeah hm i liek this song for sure. but i don't know the words. hmmm these are definitely sex songs, or songs to make love too. but i wouldn't want to have sexual intercourse with a girl with a guy singing the song, weird no? if it's a cheesy r&b song, even worse. ugh. music during sex is definitely a no. would it help amp up the sexualness? probably, but for my preference, i wouldn't want it playing in the back. but this song may prove me wrong.

Off Beat Day

Today was more eventful than usual. Woke up late this morning. I was supposed to go in to esna at 8:00, woke up at 8:34 AM though. Co-workers and haith family are pretty chill. Left at around 12:00 to go home and get ready for my meeting at WCU with Fabianne and Muffin. The meeting at west coast was alright. The school and nursing in general do not spark any sort of interest. My only motivation for doing nursing is money and also it's only 3 year, plus I can do it with Fabianne and Muffin (has its perks). Downside is that I'd fucking hate it probably (doing nursing) and paying off the $100,000 loan. Our advisor/counselor was pretty fucking annoying. It was alright until she called me the shy one. WTF makes people instantly think that I'm the shy one. In comparison to fabuffin, yes. Okay, so I lied about my GPA, but she said even that wasn't good enough. Although the building is nice and the people are nice (can be nice anyway), I don't like the vibe there. IDK why I'm fucking complaining. Though I don't think it'd be for me. Ultimately, I'd want to do something that I love, while helping others. I don't mind stressful situations, hospitals don't have a good vibe. At least to me anywayy. Surguries, deaths, injuries, what else? Those are all negative situations. The only positive thing in a hospital is birth. Birth is a good thing indeed. If I were to work in a specific area of a hospital, it'd be birth, for sure. Then blah blah blah, day went on, etc.

Okay, so I still haven't broke out of my shell. It's a work in progress. WTF am I supposed to do. Complaining ain't going to do shit, though I should at least address my problems. Thinking and responding critically are things I'm so-so at, maybe not even so-so, maybe just really bad. But before I can address that, I have to brake out of my shell, which essentially means to be comfortable, open, and a regular converser. I do think before I open my mouth, which may be a good thing, but also a bad thing. I tend to not spew stupid shit, "tend", which means still I do say stupid stuff. Also, this makes me a quiet person because I'm actively thinking. Thinking part, good, being quiet, bad. So I think I pretty much answered my question. I should be more conversing and talkative because I still say stupid shit, but now people will know me and my personality a little more. Okay, so now that that's out of the way, let's get to critical thinking. Typing out things makes me be more comprehensive, that is, being able to be more understandable while getting all of my thoughts out. Blogging feels good, therapeutic actually. Things to make me more critical in thinking: flowing/rapping, saying what I feel before thinking about how to word it, and? I also feel intimidated kind of with so many people that "have" the potential of being funnier and/or smarter than me, which has its perks.

I'm Still Alive (if you're wondering)

Yes, I'm still alive, if you're wondering. I still do think about you. I still think about what we could've been. I still think about why we ended it. Obviously it wasn't our love, but it was the fact that "we could'nt love each other more than we already did." You missed me so much, that you spent so many nights crying over me. But if something so trivial got in the way of our "love", then it wasn't "love" after all. Even knowing that, I still wonder if you're okay. I still wonder if you'll grow up to be good like you said. I still wonder about us. I just want you to know if you're okay. And I want to let you know that I'm okay too.