Need to Study

In an attempt to end this loathing internet 5-hr session. Blogging reflects my day and today was a good day.

Holy shit, in calculus today I almost fucking broke down. I never realized how tough it is and it's only the second week. But with persistence and a hard-working attitude, I believe I can own that class. Majority of the students there don't understand the material as well either, but for some reason I feel very inadequate compared to most of them.

Physics today wasn't so bad. I thought I would dread it. I have some new friends in Physics haha too bad I forgot their names. Jeff is an honors student and he's pretty smart; I'm guessing he's trying to transfer to UCLA as an engineering major. The thing that pisses me off about him is that he's very smart, it's almost innate. He tries with minimal effort. Jasmine is my lab partner and she's very pretty and nice. At first I thought she was one of those Japanese Foreign FOB students, but she speaks English very well and she doesn't hang out in that crazy weird secluded-AZN circle of friends. Potential girlfriend? So far, I think so.

This semester looks good. This year looks good. Life in general looks good right now. Current girl situation? I don't have one, nor do I want one. Muffin insists on trying to hook me up with some girls at a party soon and I'm down for parties. Adura - now experiencing what sex is since he recently lost his virginity- wants to hook me up with one of his friends that "doesn't have a pancake butt." Apparently she's asian, good-lucking and likes funny guys, but the thing is, he says, is that she's hard to get.

One thing I need to address though is following through with txt and calls. As simple as it sounds, I make it a lot more difficult than it really is. Yesterday, I really wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone and I was loathing practically the whole day. That was probably the lowest I've been in a while, only because I hadn't been outside for a day.

Also another thing, these blogs lately have been very incoherent and messy. I'm not taking the time to actually put thoughtful meaningful interesting things. Rather, I've become the norm, you know, like the blogs that usually reflect the typical school day and whatnot. In other words, to people actually reading this, it's boring, so stop reading it.

Untitled Yet Again

Art is a beautiful amazing wonderful thing. There are so many forms of art which amaze me: film, digital, photography, paintings, music, etc. I'm so fascinated with art and I want to attend an art school. Although what can I do with a degree in art? At one point I aspired to become an artchitect, whether it be landscape, buildings, etc. Architecture has always fascinated me and the way things are constructed and how they fit so well especially in big cities such as downtown LA and NY's time square. It all looks so wonderful to me. My point is, I appreciate the beauty in almost everything and I love art, but unfortunately I don't think I can pursue my dream of becoming an artist because I don't think it'll be stable and reliable. I do call other art majors out and say it's retarded, but the thing is I freakin' love art. But I'm stern with my decision, I'm going to major in Computer Science and Engineering. I figure I can do so much more with a degree in CS&E and science and math appear to be equally if not more beautiful than art. Everything in math fits together so well and well, it's pretty straightforward to say the least. I'm 19 and I'm still unsure of what I want to do. For those that also unsure of what they want to do: don't fret, enjoy the ride; try everything, learn everything. The most interesting people I know are the ones that don't know what they want to do.

I have passion for technology and I believe it'll help us in the future. A big part of my decision to be a computer science major is that the need for technology will no doubt be growing in the future. Network database managers also make bank. I love technology, I think it's beautiful. I'm analytic, I love math, I hope I'm making the right decision. But one thing is for sure, I can't turn back now. If I don't like it, I'll try something else after I get my B.S. in CS&E.

Untitled 2/11

In an attempt to make myself sane, I'm going to update. This new year is .... different, and I like it. I've been working more than last year. More work = more money = more things to do. But not just that, school is EZPZ right now and I'm doing great. Friends? It's a different situation though. You win some, you lose some. I don't want to say I've lost some friends, but just that I haven't seen them in a while. Some friends, I choose not to. But there's an exchange: I've been hanging out with different people and I like it. Reason being why I don't hang out with particular people is because I act fake around them. I want to be more genuine, more real, even if people don't accept it. I need a group of friends that are also genuine. Habits, gestures, etc. of friends rub off and I don't want to hang with the wrong people. In 2 weeks, I start a new semester and it's probably going to be one of the best. I've discovered where I'm strong at and I've developed an environment in which I can work more productively. I've also learned to fuck women (not literally), but I've developed a mentality where I don't give a fuck about women and I'm not expecting anything. It's sooo great because instead of thinking and dreading about not having someone, there's soo much more to do. Another thing, with the help of my D90, I've learned to appreciate the beauty in almost everything, despite my noob photography skills. So all in all, I've learned so much and I think I'm improving as a person. I hope I can become better and make more friends.