assumptions

i've come to the realization that i always assume. always and it's a bad habit because it will bite me in the ass later and it usually does. but it's usually small things which lead to big things later. but in general it's just a good habit to never assume and always think of the possible situations. i guess it can be a good and bad thing, more cons than pros though. for instance, one of my exes was young and she didn't go out much, i assumed she didn't have a life and didn't do much. i thought i would have a big influence on her, but not much really. i wanted to have sex with her, but of course with her being the youngest, she learned from her family that she should wait. point is, i thought i knew her, but i really didn't. i made the assumption that i could influence her when in reality i couldn't. that's just one example, but assumptions sometimes get mixed with exaggerations and can become problematic.

anyway, also i've come to realize that i don't like to fix things. i like to leave things the way they are. example 1: hs, i liked to move on to other courses when i failed the previous one. i failed precalc because makrova had a silly uncomprehensible russian accent and she sucked at teaching, but i moved onto mrs. hu who had an even more worse chinese accent and she sucked even more at teaching calculus since it was her first time. i had planned to name more situations but the list goes on. anyway hopefully these realizations/bad habbits will be fixed as i only blog to remind myself of these and reflect upon my day.

hmm

today was alright. not bad, but when it's alright, i think of it as bad. could've been better, but i shouldn't complain. and the day's not even close to over. if i want it to be better, i should do some chores and then go out to see kick ass with some friends. that'll make my day awesome. but anyway, i digress. i was expecting so much more, but maybe too much. at least it wasn't bad. it was just alright.

list of things to do (in order):
- finish physics hw
- study/read book
- watch Missouri lectures
- clean room
- wash car
- organize laundry
- watch kick ass?!
- play ff7, let's do it all fuck!
- read harry potter! hehe

don't say "lazy" (k-on ed)

in retrospect of this lazy day, i'm going to reflect for memory's sake, and when i say memory's sake, i mean my memory. so today was very uneventful and lazy. for gosh sakes, i planned to catch up on physics like crazy, but i stopped midway because i'm a little misdirected as to how to approach it. it's either 1.) i catch up on old stuff by watching univerisity of missouri lectures or i 2.) just start on the fucking hw. so what's it gonna be? my new approach -assuming i get this train rolling- is that i finish my hw first, that way i don't have to worry about anything since i have the answers i can just check it, then relearn everthing else for next week's midterm. sounds like a plan right? well that's only half the battle.

anyway, i digress. about today. this morning i woke up around 5 or 6 and was browsing the usual /r/, /b/, and /s/ hehe. there was an epic info thread, sort of like a motivation but with life hacks and useful information. immediately i became motivated. at the same time, i was of course browsing CL, ephatch and hondatech for parts and such. i PMed the guy selling the works bell lock and i had planned to go to the bank earlier to deposit the money so i can send it asap when he PMs me back. anyway i got caught up on internet again. i got ready as usual. brushed my teeth, washed my face, etc. eventually i did go to albertsons to deposit my money. there was this azn couple, stuck-up and snobby and they took their sweet ass time in front of me while i was waiting. then i went home and sent the payment to h23_del_soul. then my day became long and useless after that, i was waiting for the mail and watching maury/spiderman/people's court in the meantime. suddenly i came across a ad for a 240sx coupe 1989. i shat bricks because it was only for $700. i tried calling the guy and he wasn't avail, but when i did reach him, he already sold the car. :( boooooo. anyway, prior to finding out he sold it, i became excited and i was prepared to sell my: 360, ps3, wii, guitar, and games just to earn that $700. i called my sister for help and she said if my older brother approved then she would lend me the money. *sigh* i was so sad, i had to drive my car around. driving my car is kind of therapeutic er not really, but i do feel cool. correction: driving is not therapeutic, driving my car IS therapeutic. i always drive my car constantly even when not needed to around rowland/walnut/west covina, it's pretty ridiculous actually and i waste gas driving around nowhere. but anyway, i got money from my mom to get food, i decided to go with burger king. why burger king? i dunno, i haven't had it in a while. i haven't had fast food in general because i was sick. still, i haven't gotten back into the swing of things. for some reason, my appetite is pretty limited. but as usual, i'm still indecisive when it comes to choosing what to eat. so after i finish eating, i watch a little bit of tv until the laker game comes on, at which point i go back to my room and wala, here's where i'm at now. oh yeah several times during the day, my laptop died on me so i had to use the family computer.

pretty uneventful and boring right? i just wanted to reflect on my day, for my sake. 'what sake?' you ask. well, memory's sake. that's what. also for the purpose of blogging, i haven't blogged in a while.

blegh

so spring break has finally started and instead of relaxing, it's time for me to play catch up.

i've come to the realization that i've never worked hard for anything. the reason behind this is because i always seem to give up when it gets so hard. on one side of the coin, i feel great for half-assing most of my classes. on the other side, i feel like a complete failure. i feel like a failure because there lies so much potential in my power and it only reminds of how i just gave up during debate most of the time. this is probably why i never feel accomplished most of the time because most of the stuff i've finished are things that are handed to me, or that come to me easily. i want to finish more things and feel greater with more accomplishment. i need that accomplishment. i cringe my teeth while i type this because i know it's true. i don't want to be a failure anymore. i want to get an A in physics and calculus. i've been half-assing calculus and i've been doing pretty good too, but i know i can do hell of a lot better if i attend workshops and go to the math tutoring center. physics has really been "meh." i've been having a "meh wateva"-mentality in that class. i try to concentrate, but i get so fixed up in thinking that lectures are stupid and that the stuff we do there, i can easily do at home. only when i go home and i come to realize that i should've paid more attention in class. i can do a lot better in physics by actually trying to concentrate in class, practicing problems, using the same problem solving skills in real life, and attending SI meetings. it's nice that i have jasmine to copy off of whenever i haven't finished the work, but it's really taking a toll on me. i know it's not helping me and i know jasmine thinks so low of me now. i can't let all my friends in physics help me. i'm drastically falling behind in that class. i hear lectures thinking that the concepts are easy, but in reality i can't utilize those concepts in problems which means i don't understand the concepts fully.

but enough about that. it's spring break, and now it's time for me to do work and kick ass.

what a dick. i'm going to take that with a grain of salt, knowing that i will be more successful in life than you could ever dream. maybe i'm just overreacting, but the fact that we call each other friends and that while i'm there for you whenever you need me, you're never there for me. you don't even answer my calls, txts, etc. what am i supposed to do? then again, maybe it's karma, but the actual reason that made me realize that i need to let you go, was actually quite stupid.

next time you need something, fuck you and do it yourself you lazy faggot. you won't ever amount to shit in life.

sorry to the guy driving the truck on la puente and sentous

omg, i fucking caused an accident. i know they won't find out here. i know i get a lot of attention when i'm driving my car. some try to provoke me and almost usually i never give in, but tonight wasn't one of those nights. on la puente (and sentous), there was a truck trying to overpass me, so i speed up because i didn't want him to cut me off. well unfortunately there was a slow taxi cab going around 5-10mph. so i pass him and i look in my rear view mirror and i hear the screeching sound of brakes and then i hear a crash. i felt so bad just leaving the accident because i partly caused it and an innocent bystander had to get caught in our mess.

i'm assuming he had his eyes fixed on me in his rear view mirror because he crashed into the taxi cab, which i assume he wasn't looking at until he hit it. so either way, that douchebag in the truck would've hit someone. i'm just glad it wasn't me, but i'm sad for the guy in the taxi cab.

i drove off, feeling really bad, flustered, and not knowing what to do. but at the same time, i felt a sense of relief because it's douchebags like those that piss me off and i'm glad he now has learned his lesson (hopefully).