turning 20 feels like any other birthday. i don't get to do anything new. but it's not all that bad. unlike 19, i feel more like an adult. only because i'm not a teen anymore technically. i don't feel any older. i don't mind getting older either. haha i actually can't wait till next year though.
i'm a pretty lowkey person. i hate to admit this, but i like birthdays for the attention i get. no wait, not the attention but rather the friends i get to see. it gives me a reason to celebrate with random friends. that's why i want to have dinner on saturday, my birthday gives me a valid reason to gather up a bunch of my friends to hangout.
i also started thinking about the concept of birthdays. like why are birthdays celebrated and considered special? it's just the day we were born. also for instance, bar mitzvah marks the age of a man. but to me, it's not the age that shows much of a man you are, but rather your actions. to me, birthdays are just another day. nothing really to celebrate. to me, only hard work should be celebrated like graduating college or something. that's kinda why i like to lay low during my birthday.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
difference in confidence
what difference would it make if i were more confident? things would seem more natural and i wouldn't be afraid to do miniscule tasks. things such as asking ppl for help, answering/keeping up/not being MIA with friends all the time, getting the job done because i'm afraid to interact with some ppl, hanging out at it's a grind, or panera bread more often, talking on vent/xbox live/ps3 network while gaming, going up to a girl. the possibilities are endless with what i could do with that kind of confidence.
to me, confidence is something you can wear. not everyone has it, but if you do, you look extremely good. confidence is the attitude to not give a fuck. the feeling that you are "on top of the world" and nothing can stop you. confidence is feeling like a million dollars. unconfident people are very awkward, shy, and introverted. while confident ppl are outgoing, fun, and true/honest. if i were more confident, i would be more social with friends and talk more with them. develop a better friendship.
i believe there are a few things that hold me back from being confident. mainly it's the way i look. my body/stature bother me. i don't have the skinny physique to pull off many of the looks i want. i have a skinnyfat body tape. also i believe my face isn't beautiful. i have a short of roundish face and a few acne scars. also my skin isn't as clear and beautiful as most people. also i believe that my voice is high and timid. instead of these beliefs i would rather believe that:
1. my voice is very deep/masculine and very loud.
2. my face is clear and beautiful.
3. i am not fat and i can wear whatever i desire.
for these new beliefs i would have to be more consistent. consistent in terms of diet, exercise, and face-cleaning/hygiene.
to me, confidence is something you can wear. not everyone has it, but if you do, you look extremely good. confidence is the attitude to not give a fuck. the feeling that you are "on top of the world" and nothing can stop you. confidence is feeling like a million dollars. unconfident people are very awkward, shy, and introverted. while confident ppl are outgoing, fun, and true/honest. if i were more confident, i would be more social with friends and talk more with them. develop a better friendship.
i believe there are a few things that hold me back from being confident. mainly it's the way i look. my body/stature bother me. i don't have the skinny physique to pull off many of the looks i want. i have a skinnyfat body tape. also i believe my face isn't beautiful. i have a short of roundish face and a few acne scars. also my skin isn't as clear and beautiful as most people. also i believe that my voice is high and timid. instead of these beliefs i would rather believe that:
1. my voice is very deep/masculine and very loud.
2. my face is clear and beautiful.
3. i am not fat and i can wear whatever i desire.
for these new beliefs i would have to be more consistent. consistent in terms of diet, exercise, and face-cleaning/hygiene.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Last Person on Earth
What if you were the last person on Earth? Things like the internet and electricity only remain for a week. No zombie apocalypse shit.
It's a fucking interesting question, right? Have you ever thought about it? First day, I'd go on the internet (since it's still there for a week) and research on solar panels (harnessing solar energy), transportation (how to fly planes, drive a boat, etc.; to get me around), and beautiful places/sites to see. I'd archive all that information and save it. Then I'd go out and get me a GTR from the nearest Nissan dealership, go to the Best Buy right next to it and get a bunch of movies and a high-def camera. With this HD cam, I'd record my everyday life. Then I'd go to the West Covina Library and get a bunch of books that would be relevant to me and my journey.
Then I'd make my way up north for San Francisco. SF is a beautiful city. Even without the hustle and bustle, SF would still be amazing. It's one of the places I've always wanted to go to. I would marvel at how beautiful the city is. I think the novelty of freedom would still be fun. Then eventually loneliness would pursue. I know eventually I'd get bored of being lonely. Even if I had animals to interact with. I would try to repopulate/clone. But after I get bored of traveling, my second instinct is to find a way to travel onto the Moon and utilize technology from Nasa in order to communicate with extraterrestrial life. If I don't find anyone within a decade, I'd soon get bored and lonely. Then at that point, I'd probably commit painless suicide by taking a bunch of pills.
This scenario kinda puts things into perspective. There are an infinite combinations of parallel galaxies. Imagine one where one day everything is normal, then suddenly, you become the last person on Earth. Sometimes when we want to withdraw from society, we hate society. But society is great, human interaction advances everyone. Simply communicating and talking to others helps further mankind.
So next time when you decide to be all emo and withdraw from society, remember to be thankful for society. Because you'd rather hate people than be lonely.
It's a fucking interesting question, right? Have you ever thought about it? First day, I'd go on the internet (since it's still there for a week) and research on solar panels (harnessing solar energy), transportation (how to fly planes, drive a boat, etc.; to get me around), and beautiful places/sites to see. I'd archive all that information and save it. Then I'd go out and get me a GTR from the nearest Nissan dealership, go to the Best Buy right next to it and get a bunch of movies and a high-def camera. With this HD cam, I'd record my everyday life. Then I'd go to the West Covina Library and get a bunch of books that would be relevant to me and my journey.
Then I'd make my way up north for San Francisco. SF is a beautiful city. Even without the hustle and bustle, SF would still be amazing. It's one of the places I've always wanted to go to. I would marvel at how beautiful the city is. I think the novelty of freedom would still be fun. Then eventually loneliness would pursue. I know eventually I'd get bored of being lonely. Even if I had animals to interact with. I would try to repopulate/clone. But after I get bored of traveling, my second instinct is to find a way to travel onto the Moon and utilize technology from Nasa in order to communicate with extraterrestrial life. If I don't find anyone within a decade, I'd soon get bored and lonely. Then at that point, I'd probably commit painless suicide by taking a bunch of pills.
This scenario kinda puts things into perspective. There are an infinite combinations of parallel galaxies. Imagine one where one day everything is normal, then suddenly, you become the last person on Earth. Sometimes when we want to withdraw from society, we hate society. But society is great, human interaction advances everyone. Simply communicating and talking to others helps further mankind.
So next time when you decide to be all emo and withdraw from society, remember to be thankful for society. Because you'd rather hate people than be lonely.
Friday, July 16, 2010
hands down, one of the most eventful days ever
this morning i woke up from a few weird dreams. which i vaguely remember. i hardly dream and i know this because when i wake up, there's a lot of that eye goo residue. but anyway, i vaguely remember my dreams. i remember that i was lucid dreaming and that i was flying. i was so fucking scared and it felt real but i knew it was a fake dream. then i dreamt that i was with my ex at AX. both of which i miss to a certain extent.
i woke up dazed and happy. it was bright and sunny this morning. i drove to work. i knew today wasn't going to be hard. we don't have any orders going out till next week and we finished monday's order. it was jorge's last day at work so he choosed what was for lunch, pizza hut due to our strict lunch budget. anyway, work was so-so. the usual racism and gayness continued to pursue. i finally figured out where i want to belong and with who. there seriously needs to be content fillers there because some of the stuff we talk about is either really retarded/gay/racist. we left work early around 2.
i went back home, my cousin was there. my niece also. they basically effed up my room. anyway, just chilled till jorge's going-away party at 4. i went to CVS to pick up some skittles because ken said smirnoff with skittles taste like skittles haha. saw adam and julio there buying shit. said hi and shot the shit for a minute/2. then i made my way to the haith's house.
i got there, i had to park a street away to not make it look conspicuous. we waited till 5 till jorge came with his g/f nicole. it was a beach party and i purposely forgot my shorts so i didn't have to go swimming. but i went anyway, borrowing daniel's shorts. i came in all confident, ready to have fun. but the fact that i couldn't swim really ruined the evening. also the usual shit, but mostly that, which totally threw me off. courtney's kid was a little devil taking away my floaty and i almost drowned. omfg pissed me off. the party was fun, the food was great. everyone was there with the exception of danny and drew.
me, kyle, and ken left around 9:30ish and while they left to go see a friend at robeks, i decided to head home. i was tired, or at least i wanted it to seem like i was so i could leave. i held my head up high and walked out like a champ. haha yay! didn't drink a lot due to my last incident.
went home browsed /adv/, /b/, /fa/, etc. was chatting with a random girl about her situation with her bf. i wanted to do something spontaneous. i hope she doesn't contact me again, she's only 17. i really didn't have much advice to offer, the reason for contacting her was to tell her she was beautiful and hopefully bring her spirits up. in her state of mind, she probably thought i was hitting on her, which was not the case. she asked for my asl and i signed off.
then i went over to /r9k/ and found an interesting thread. ITT was a question. what would you do if you were the only person on earth and a few resources such as electricity/internet only remained for a week. no zombie shit. what would you do? which i will address in another blog probably. really interesting though.
i woke up dazed and happy. it was bright and sunny this morning. i drove to work. i knew today wasn't going to be hard. we don't have any orders going out till next week and we finished monday's order. it was jorge's last day at work so he choosed what was for lunch, pizza hut due to our strict lunch budget. anyway, work was so-so. the usual racism and gayness continued to pursue. i finally figured out where i want to belong and with who. there seriously needs to be content fillers there because some of the stuff we talk about is either really retarded/gay/racist. we left work early around 2.
i went back home, my cousin was there. my niece also. they basically effed up my room. anyway, just chilled till jorge's going-away party at 4. i went to CVS to pick up some skittles because ken said smirnoff with skittles taste like skittles haha. saw adam and julio there buying shit. said hi and shot the shit for a minute/2. then i made my way to the haith's house.
i got there, i had to park a street away to not make it look conspicuous. we waited till 5 till jorge came with his g/f nicole. it was a beach party and i purposely forgot my shorts so i didn't have to go swimming. but i went anyway, borrowing daniel's shorts. i came in all confident, ready to have fun. but the fact that i couldn't swim really ruined the evening. also the usual shit, but mostly that, which totally threw me off. courtney's kid was a little devil taking away my floaty and i almost drowned. omfg pissed me off. the party was fun, the food was great. everyone was there with the exception of danny and drew.
me, kyle, and ken left around 9:30ish and while they left to go see a friend at robeks, i decided to head home. i was tired, or at least i wanted it to seem like i was so i could leave. i held my head up high and walked out like a champ. haha yay! didn't drink a lot due to my last incident.
went home browsed /adv/, /b/, /fa/, etc. was chatting with a random girl about her situation with her bf. i wanted to do something spontaneous. i hope she doesn't contact me again, she's only 17. i really didn't have much advice to offer, the reason for contacting her was to tell her she was beautiful and hopefully bring her spirits up. in her state of mind, she probably thought i was hitting on her, which was not the case. she asked for my asl and i signed off.
then i went over to /r9k/ and found an interesting thread. ITT was a question. what would you do if you were the only person on earth and a few resources such as electricity/internet only remained for a week. no zombie shit. what would you do? which i will address in another blog probably. really interesting though.
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